


Lilies

by origamigf



Series: AtsuKita Week 2020 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blood and Gore, Engagement, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mild Gore, Multi, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25478323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/origamigf/pseuds/origamigf
Summary: Atsumu Miya would give up anything for him, even his life.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Kita Shinsuke/Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu
Series: AtsuKita Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839247
Comments: 6
Kudos: 94
Collections: Atsukita Week





	Lilies

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for being my beta, @danotiel!

It was just a slip of paper, but it meant everything to them. It was white and pristine and it was hard like cardboard but felt smooth as printer paper. The words on the paper were in a delicate print. It wasn’t the type you would see in work papers, it was cursive. It wasn’t too distracting or over-the-top. It never was with Kita. It was just right, simple and clear. The words didn’t blend together, they stood out. The paper slipped out soon as you opened the gray envelope, detaching the wax seal sticker. That had to be his touch. A little dramatic and old-school, just the way he likes it. 

He smiled down at Kita who was looking up at him expectantly. He smiled down at him. Man, he could be so cute. He looked indescribably shy and adorable, waiting for Atsumu’s word of approval. He could tell how much work he had put into this. Kita was always a detail-oriented man. It was a no-brainer of how he got the best grades in the school, unlike him. 

“It’s good,” Atsumu smiled down at him, his smile spread wide. He could feel them aching already. His heart was filled with joy and warmth for what was to come. He couldn’t be happier for them. “You’re amazing, Shinsuke-san.” 

“I told you, you can drop the ‘-san’ already,” Kita chuckled, making his eyes go warm. He was wonderful in every way. He glanced down at the ring on his finger. It was simple and sweet, a silver band with small gems wrapping all around it. A bit more on the expensive side but it was undoubtedly worth it. He remembers seeing the way Kita’s eyes light up as tears formed, and how his smile went wider than he ever saw before when he dropped down on his knees before him. 

“Sorry,” Atsumu grinned back down at him. He placed the invitation example down on the table and turned to him. “It’s going to work out great, after all, you’re Mister No Gaps Kita Shinsuke.” 

“Still? With that silly title you guys gave me?” Kita raised an eyebrow, his grin ever prevalent on his face. 

“Well, it fits, doesn’t it? Yer not the type to cut corners, so the wedding will come out great!” 

“Please, you say that as if I’m doing all the work. The Miya family is doing their share as well, your family are such nice fellows. I didn’t expect that when I first met them when I was brought to meet them as their son’s boyfriend.” Kita smiled down at the ground, intertwining his hands together. Atsumu watched as his expression grew soft, recalling the memories from years ago. “Especially considering they’re related to you!” 

“Eh?! You act as if I’m uncivil, Shinsuke-san!”

“The ‘-san’ again?” 

“I can’t help it, force of habit!” 

“I guess that’s true.”

“It is!”

Just like that, his wide grin blessed his features again. His laughter rang out in the air of the shared apartment as his shoulders shook with the force. “You are truly ridiculous, ‘Tsumu.”

‘Maybe for you,’ He thought but Osamu would hit him if he ever told his brother he used such a cheesy line. Plus, it’s pretty lame of him. He wouldn’t be caught dead saying that. 

“But you think it’s really good?”

“Yeah, I have no complaints! And I have great taste!” Atsumu continued to grin, the happy atmosphere of the apartment was undeniable. 

“Maybe so,” Kita chuckled. He turned to him and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He held onto Atsumu tightly and close to him. It shocked Atsumu, making him widen his eyes and go stiff. He hadn’t expected Kita to get like this, but at the same time, he was just as emotional. He loosened the tightness in his shoulder and gladly wrapped his arms around Kita in return. “I can’t believe we’re doing this! I’ve been wanting this for years!” 

“I can tell.” 

“Oh, shush!” Kita laughed, shoving him away as he settled back down into his previous spot on the couch besides him. “Do you think the others will like it too?”

“Huh? Of course they will! I mean, why wouldn’t they?” Atsumu snorted, rolling his eyes at the suggestions. “If they don’t, fuck ‘em!” 

“I believe that counts as cheating, ‘Tsumu.” 

Atsumu laughed at that one. “Come on, I know you would never cheat! Yer super loyal and trustworthy!” 

“You mean I’m a decent human being with basic morals?” 

“Ya, that!” 

Kita snorted at that with a cute grin on his face. Atsumu wanted to lean closer and kiss it off. He was really tempted to. Kita looked so happy and filled with joy, it was contagious. 

“I was thinking of going for that white tuxedo I showed you the other day in that one wedding magazine. It’s super cheap but still excellent quality. I tried it on and took a picture of it, here,” Kita slipped his phone out of his pants’s pocket and unlocked it, clicking on his photo and scanning his album until his eyes landed on the photo. He clicked on it and turned it to face him. Based on the angle, he presumes someone else took it for him as he could never do it that far for himself. Suna or Aran probably went with him to help him decide his choices and figure out what would be best for him. In the photo, he stood shy as he was dressed in a nicely-fitted white tuxedo. The only thing that wasn’t white was the gray-colored vest and tie. It looked really really nice on him. It wasn’t so tight that it looked like it might be a straight jacket instead of a suit, but rather it felt his body nicely and looked like it gave him a good range of movement. At the end of the day, it just looked amazing on him when you abandon the details. “What do you think?” 

“It looks perfect on you,” He said, his voice a little too soft for his comfort. It’s embarrassing when that sort of thing slips out. If Kita noticed, he didn’t say anything about it. 

“Really? I think so too!” Kita grinned. 

“Yeah.” Right as he said that, he could feel a tightness in his throat. “I’ll be back, gotta piss.”

“Don’t use crude language!” Kita shook his head. He could feel his eyes on him until he turned the corner in the hallway and reached the bathroom. He closed the door as normal as he could, trying to not be suspicious. He kept his hands pressed to his mouth as he coughed it all up. He didn’t want to make any noise. He didn’t want to let him know his condition. He had kept quiet this long for Kita’s happiness, surely he could go a little longer.

He sat down on the thick rim of the bathtub, gripping tightly on his cheeks as it spilled out. The pain wasn’t as bad as normal, it seemed to be a small fester of petals. He could feel the red liquid spilling out between the small gap between his face and his hands and dripping down his chin. He just hoped it wouldn’t reach his collar. He doesn’t want to try and explain away a red stain. 

Before he knew it, it was over. His throat felt so incredibly dry and wrecked, and he hated that feeling. Pulling his hands away from his mouth, his palms were covered in blood with lily petals spread across in a small pile. The normal purity of the white and yellow flower was tainted by the anguish of the stain of the blood soaking deep within it. He glanced up at the mirror where the blood was spread messily around his chin and mouth, the rest of his face was pristine. 

His darkest secret was his diagnosis with the hanahaki disease. All because of one man, not that he would ever confess or bother to let him know. He could never know. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship. He couldn’t. He knew for a fact that he loved another, there was no doubt in that. Everyone else was foolish in saying you should try and confess. Studies show that, if you are wrong and are rejected, it shortens your lifespans and worsens your condition. 

He sighed. He hated how this was his normal life. The pain and blood loss was one thing, but the shame and deceit that comes with it made it horrible. He couldn’t tell anyone, very few knew. The few that knew didn’t even know the man he loved. It’s the only way to assure his secret is safe. 

He raised his leg and tipped open the toilet cover with the tip of his foot, shaking the petals into the towel bowl. He watched as the clear water became muddy with red as the blood covered every inch of the toilet. Fitting. He always seems to ruin everything he touches, no matter how hard he tries not to and be the best player, the best person, he can be. He did this to himself. How could he fall for Kita Shinsuke? It only destroyed him and it will be his downfall. 

He curled his hands inward so the blood wouldn’t spill and nudged the knobs of the sink to turn on with his knuckles. He washed his hands dutifully, watching as the layer of the blood slipped away and his skin started to peek through until it was clear. He made sure to wash his face with a spare dark rag so the blood wouldn’t stain it and become noticeable. He brought his hands to his nose and smelled it. It still stunk, someone will notice that. He grabbed the soap and ran it under the water, washing his hands carefully and covering all of it. It still stunk, but his brother’s cologne was on the corner of the stink. He could use that. 

He gave it a quick spray around his wrists and on the palm of his hands. He made sure to spray one on his neck and elsewhere to make it seem normal, as if he was applying it for its intended use. He placed it down and then flushed the toilet, making sure to check if there were any blood spots left. Looking around, he didn’t see any. The toilet was clean, the sink was clean, and where he sat was too. He ran the rag for his face underneath the water so the blood spills out. He turned off the tap and twisted the rag until all the water was released. He tossed it in the laundry basket and looked in the mirror, checking there were any stains. There wasn’t any, so he was in the clear and he walked out of the bathroom, returning to the main room where Kita and Osamu sat on the couch. 

“Took ya long enough, diaherra?” 

Atsumu scoffed, “As if! I’m not some weaklin’!” 

“Whatever you say, piss hair.” Osamu shook his head, taking off the hat and shaking his head so his hair would fall more naturally. He placed it on the table, scooting closer until him and Kita pressed sides. He watched Kita’s lovestruck expression come forward. “Ya took so long, I’m already home.” 

“Not my fault yer an overachiever.” Atsumu tched, falling back on his spot on the couch on the other side of Kita. 

“Wait a minute, are ya wearin’ my stuff?” Osamu sniffed the air, narrowing his eyes at him. “I thought ya hated it.”

“Eh, mine faded, and I needed somethin’ new. Only that was in yer bathroom,” Atsumu shrugged, lying easily like he’s been doing for the last five years. He almost feels like a snake at how easy it is to deceive everyone. “Plus I’ve come around, it ain’t that bad.” 

“I’ll buy ya some next time I have to get another,” Osamu offered.

“Thanks,” Atsumu grinned, “So when are ya guys sending these out?”

“They look amazin’, I can’t spot a thing wrong with ‘em, great job Shinsuke.” He watches as Osamu presses a kiss to Kita’s temple. He doesn’t feel jealousy or anger towards his brother. He doesn’t even feel it towards Kita. He just understands and accepts what has happened to him. Maybe it makes him more mature, he’s not sure. Sakusa says it does, but a lot of stuff he says doesn’t make sense to him. 

“Thank you,” Kita chuckled, smiling up at Osamu. “Maybe in a few days, we’ve got almost everything done now.” 

“Great,” Atsumu grins. “My baby brother is gettin’ married to my Captain!” 

“I am not yer little brother,” Osamu rolls his eyes. 

Atsumu sticks his tongue out childishly. “I came out first!” 

“Not this again you two,” Kita sighs, laughing a little as he shakes his head. 

“Hey, yer marryin’ him, don’t blame me ya have terrible taste!”

* * *

“‘Tsumu!” Sakusa runs over, placing a hand on his shoulders as the other players crowd around him in the middle of a practice match with Sendai Frogs. It was supposed to be a fired-up match with lots of cursing, rivalry, and endless sets knowing them. He remembers the annoying blonde blocker in highschool when they went against them in nationals. He remembers having to get around him and how tough it was. He remembers the joy and the pride of beating them in their third year. He wanted to feel that. 

It was in the middle of their third set. The tightness in his throat had started again. Before he knew it, he found himself falling on his knees and his hands clasping against his mouth rather than the right toss from Shouyou so he could set to Sakusa, their best chance. Urgh, the pain was back, unlike the previous few days where it was only little gathers of petals. He needs to properly throw up, but in the middle of a match? His secret will be out! He can feel the blood and petals that managed to escape against his sweaty palms. 

“Tsum-Tsum!” Bokuto called out to him, his worry evident in his voice as he stared down at Atsumu with horror in his eyes. He could feel Hinata’s worry, even when he wasn’t saying anything. That’s probably why; Quiet Hinata is terrifying. Fuck, what was he going to do? The coaches don’t know, and he doesn’t want to be benched for future matches or kicked off because of it. 

“Hinata, what’s wrong with him?” He could hear Tsukishima call over to Hinata. In his side vision, he could tell that Tsukishima ducked underneath the net and approached them. 

“He, uh he…” Hinata babbled, looking like a fish on land. He doesn’t want to expose him, but he doesn’t want to lie to him either. Atsumu feels like shit for putting his friend in this position. He’s always been so selfish. 

“He’s not feeling well, he probably has an upset stomach.” Sakusa said, looking at the blonde kid in the eye. 

“And that’s why he has blood dripping from his chin?” Tsukishima said after he squatted down to Atsumu’s level. He stared at them, not taking any of their bullshit. He didn’t like that. Who the hell was he? 

“Come on, get him to the bathroom. I have something that could help.” 

‘What?’ He thought as Sakusa nodded, his expression suspicious of Tsukishima’s motives. Hinata seems to trust him so that’s enough for him, he guesses. 

“Coach, Miya-san doesn’t seem to be doing too well.” Tsukishima approached their coach as their teammates helped to lead him to the bathroom. Sakusa opened the bathroom door, watching as his friend lowered his head, hearing the horrible groans and disgusting sounds that emitted from their setter. He locked eyes with Bokuto who was on the verge of tears. He didn’t know because of this very reason. 

‘Fuck, fuck, why now?!’ Atsumu couldn’t help but think as he held onto the rim of the toilet, emptying his lungs. The blood and the petals didn’t stop, there was so much of it. He felt like he didn’t even have any guts anymore and yet he was still throwing up petals. 

“Did you guys know...that?” He could overhear Bokuto talking to Hinata and Sakusa. He could imagine what his expression was. One torn with horror, shock, and despair. That look would never suit a man who was constantly smiling and laughing as he got along with practically everyone he met. 

“Y-yeah, he didn’t wanna tell you.” Hinata said, more quietly than usual. It wasn’t like him. “He didn’t want to upset you…”

“What about you guys?! You can’t possibly be okay with this! S-surely there’s a way!” 

“We’re not okay with  _ this _ !” Sakusa surrounded more enraged than ever. He sounded so hurt and angry, as if he could barely do anything else but feel those powerful emotions shake every part of him. “But what the fuck can we  _ do _ ? When he’s in love with his brother’s fiance?!” 

‘Shuddup, just shut up Omi-Omi!’ He wants to scream but his mouth is preoccupied. 

“Are you all done arguing or should I wait outside?” Tsukishima says, slamming the door behind him. He pushes past them and into the bathroom stall, throwing a bottle of pills by where Atsumu’s knees are holding him up. “Can you get him some paper towels? Or any wipes?”

“I have some in my locker, I’ll go get them.” Sakusa, who sounds as angry as he did before, steals the chance to escape and cool down. 

“Nothing special, just something to help break down the petals.” Tsukishima says. “I know Hanahaki Disease when I see it, I’m no fool.”

“Who asked ya?!” Atsumu felt anger run through his blood as he snapped his face around to glare up at Tsukishima who looked down at him. 

“Do you really think you’re in a position to refuse?” 

“The pills, they’re not a cure. It just makes it easier to control, ” Tsukishima continues. “You can use them to make sure when you’re like  _ this,  _ it’s not during a practice or a match. You seem like the type to be offended by being benched for the sake of your health.” 

“You’d be right there, Tsukki!” Hinata laughed, nudging him. He was obviously trying to find joy or a reason to lift up everyone’s spirit. A reason to joke, to smile, to overlook the obvious future in front of them. 

The future where Atsumu Miya would die from his hanahaki disease. He would die because he refused to rid himself of the feelings he held for Kita Shinsuke. He would die because of love, rather than thriving on it like others. 

“Don’t call me Tsukki,” Tsukishima sighed and shook his head. “Clean yourself up and take them. The instructions are on the back, surely, you can read right?” 

“Bastard,” He coughed as Tsukishima left the men’s bathroom. 

* * *

He looked at the pill bottle. He managed to use up his face and hands once again. It was more bloody and messy than last time, some of it got on his uniform. He has a spare one though and Hinata offered to wash it for him. He felt bad for his teammates, especially Bokuto who kept staring at him worriedly like he wanted to say more than he got to express in the bathroom. 

He didn’t like pity or people worrying over him. Noisy people were the worst of the bunch. He couldn’t help but feel the guilt eat him alive. He felt bad for making his teammates - no, his  _ friends _ \- harbor his darkest secret. Maybe he should have never told them. 

He wishes he didn’t taint everything he touches and ruin it. He can never seem to do any good. 

He wished he had never fallen for Kita. He wishes he had never laid his eyes upon him. He wishes he had never gone to that school. He wishes he had never joined that volleyball club. He wishes he had done anything but meet Kita. Meeting Kita was the thing deciding his fate, what his end would come to. 

He would live, he would live a long life. A life full of suffering. He would spend his days needing blood transfusion, refusing the surgery, and throwing up the flower that bloomed inside him. He would suffer as the roots grew and suffocated him, making him empty every part of him until he is withered and nothing like the star player he once was. It was his own fault. 

He held no resentment towards Kita. How could he? He loved him more than he thought he ever could. Unrequited love sucks. Unrequited love that never fades or loosens is worse. It’s that type of love that kills you. 

_ “You could easily save yourself if you just did the surgery, ‘Tsumu!” _ He remembers Sakusa’s worried franticing when he originally admitted it to him.  _ “You would be back in top condition by the time you healed!”  _

‘Yeah, but I would have lost so much time I could use focusing on practice, becoming the best setter in the world,’ He thought, popping the cap of the lid off. He dug into the bottle and grabbed one of the large tablets, swallowing one, hoping it will help manage the time his vomiting fits. 

_ “What about afterwards? You could do it after the match!” _ Hinata had begged, his normal carefree and happy eyes going wary with desperation. 

It’s not the timing, really. It sucks a little bit, but it’s more of the fact that he doesn’t want to do the surgery at all. The surgery means losing the feelings he has. The surgery means ridding himself completely of the lilies in his lungs and attacking his windpipe. He doesn’t want to lose those things, as much as those are the things killing him at the same time. 

These flowers that bloom and attack every part of him are the only thing of Kita he’ll own. They’re the same flowers the said man had decided he wanted to be apart of the wedding’s theme. It’s the one thing connecting him back to him, outside of a simple carefree friendship. Even if Kita will never know of these feelings, he still has a part of him that Osamu doesn’t. He’s connected to Kita in a way his brother will be. 

It’s a shitty reason, he knows. If his brother had done the same thing, he would have punched him in the face for even suggesting such a meaningless existence. But to him, it’s everything. It’s the only reason he’s here - to love Kita and in the end, be killed by that love. 

Love and suffocation aren’t that different. If you ask him, they’re the exact same. Maybe that’s why the hanahaki disease kills you through that exact condition. Love completely overwhelms you and it shakes you to your core. It doesn’t give you a break for a second and you have no control over it. Is the timing bad? Oh well. Did you fall for a shitty person? It is what it is. Are you not allowed to be together because society demands so? Well, that’s the way the world works. 

You fall for someone who could never love you back? Well, isn’t that cliche? 

He loves Kita. 

He loves his brother even more. 

He’s not mature at all. He’s just selfish. He knows that if he confessed and Kita accepted his love, Osamu would have gladly step to the side without a complaint. He would be the mature one. He would say, ‘Thank you for the memories, Shinsuke-san’ and would turn to Atsumu, patting him on the shoulder and say, ‘Take care of him for me, alright? And you, take care of yourself too.’ He would say goodbye without a big fight, without dropping to his knees and begging Kita for it not to be true; he would leave it at that. A goodbye, a thank you for everything, and he would move on, probably way better than Atsumu ever could if he was in his situation. 

That only makes him want to suffer more. His brother would give up something to make him happier. His brother makes his meals so he can help build muscle. His brother lets him rant and whine when he has a bad day on the court. He’ll scold him or force common sense into him when he’s being lame. He’s always there for him. They’re twins, they’re supposed to be, right? 

Osamu has always been there for him. He’s given up being a setter before because Atsumu wanted it. If Atsumu loves Kita, he would give him up as well for the sake of his happiness. It’s probably that brotherly love thing between them. If that’s the case, maybe it’s the same thing that drives him now. 

He doesn’t want to take this away from him because finally, Osamu has his own thing. He has his own identity and sense of self separate from being a pair of twins on the court. He knows Osamu has never resented or detested Atsumu for their birth arrangement or being compared to him, even to date, but at the same time, this is the happiest he’s ever been. He’s not playing volleyball but learning new dishes, cooking them, and perfecting them in his kitchen. He’s expanding his culinary dream. He’s engaged to the most wonderful person in the world. 

He wants to give his brother something for once, even if it aligns with his own selfish desire to keep this connection to Kita to himself and himself alone. 

He doesn’t know if it's coincidence. He doesn’t know if he’s just trying a way to justify it in his head for why he’s doing this to himself. But he doesn’t care either. It’s just his truth and his truth alone. 

He would suffer forever for the sake of both of their happiness, no matter how selfish it becomes. 

He would die for his love. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it hurts but :D I would love feedback!
> 
> Something to add: Originally, I was going to add a scene where it's revealed that Kita had the surgery to remove the flowers (and in turn, the feelings) but it didn't seem to fit anywhere. The feelings he had removed were the ones he felt for Atsumu but believed it was inapporiate due to being an upperclassman. He fell for Osamu after Osamu had graduated and opened his own shop.


End file.
